A home among the gum trees

I've placed a flat wanted advert on the most-recommended classified site in London, The Gumtree. I had to post it a few times before it was accepted — I think their site could do with a little love and caring behind the scenes.

I started writing a serious ad but then I came across Joe Richards' advert and realised I needed a competitive edge.

Thinking back to when we tried to raise a flat from 785's ashes (and completely not learning from what happened there), I put the following together:

I'm looking for a flat, but simply a room and facilities is not enough for me.

Actually, I've already kidnapped your puppy and/or parents and will hold them hostage until I have a suitable home.

Here are my demands:

• Double room
• Furnished (with double bed)
• Zone 1 or Zone 2
• Less than 30 minutes from Tottenham Court Road station by public transport (they have my favourite burgers)
• Reasonably social flatmates (2 to 5 of them)

I am willing to pay around 100 GBP per week for this. If your flat is right next to the Red Veg burger bar in Soho, I will pay much more and also have your babies.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR PUPPY AGAIN, DO NOT IGNORE THIS ADVERT.

The theory is that only sufficiently awesome people would respond to an ad like that. Maybe I should put up a normal one as well?

Afterwards, I noticed an ad for a kissing group in the community section. Some sort of entry-level swinger's group, perhaps?

Update: Fixed some formatting on the ad