Homeless

Without address. No fixed abode. As of midday today, I am officially homeless.

I'm going to find a hostel to check into for a week or so, and see what happens on the job front. I had a bunch of interest from various recruiters on Friday, so that's encouraging. Two roles in particular stand out, but neither one is in Berlin.

Pondering my next move, I realised that I'm actually homeless in a way that I never really appreciated before now. If I ever did need a break, I can't really go home and get back on my feet. I don't even know where I would call home at this stage. London? Auckland? Christchurch?

I'm starting to think that home is more of a state of mind than a place. Like always, it's not where you are, it's who you're with.

The clock keeps ticking

Living in the student residence has made all the difference. I've had a constant expectation of social interaction, which means that I've spent very little time on personal pursuits like reading or software projects. I've had no convenient Internet or phone access, which means that I've had relatively little contact with the world outside Berlin. It also means that job-seeking is a major chore. To top it all off, the sheer cost of this room has put a big dent in my savings.

My original plan included looking into the work situation here, finding nothing, and returning to London. That might still happen, but it's a bit more complex now.

I've enjoyed learning the language, and going back to an English-speaking country to work seems too comfortable. On the other hand, my German is still at a relatively basic level: it's entirely possible that working in a German office will push straight through enjoyably challenging and right into frustratingly difficult.

To top it off, I'm starting to feel what could be described as homesickness. I'd like to visit good old New Zealand, eat some tasty food and catch up with friends and family. At the same time, I don't think I'm ready to come home for good. If living in an English-speaking country is too comfortable, I think I need a new category for living in the country I grew up in. Then again, challenges come from all kinds of sources – not just work or language.—

The Clash understand

My return flight is scheduled for this Sunday, but I've got to decide whether to take it. I'm currently unemployed, and after school finishes next week I'll be homeless. The choice should be easy, right?

Yeah, it should be. But it isn't.

It's been a fantastic couple of months. Let me tell you, though, it feels like much more. They say time goes faster as we get older; I reckon it's more to do with how we spend our time. Working long hours was certainly rewarding in its own way, but I sometimes found the months flitting by as though they were cars passing on the street.

My life has changed again, pretty drastically, which is always a bit un-nerving. At the same time, I know that I've changed before and I'll change again. In some respects I feel like I'm living life backwards: I've gone from running my own business, to consulting, to working for a big company to working for a small company. Now I'm a poor student, living a relatively care-free life. What comes next? I don't know.

Bon Jovi understands

I booked an 8-week course, and I'm just past the half-way mark. I've already learnt more here than I expected; not just German, but about myself.

My first couple of weeks were a bit confused, but I knew they would be: I was changing my life pretty drastically. Then I started to wonder if I was too late to learn; I seemed to have a lot of trouble in class. At the same time, I felt like the outsider at home. I wouldn't say there were problems, but I didn't find myself "clicking" with anyone.

Part of it boils down to simply being in a different situation than the other students. Most people in this school are here on a break from University, and they're here on their parents' dime.

A few weeks later and I'm feeling much more comfortable with the people and the situation, not to mention the language.

Where will I be living in two months' time? I can't really say at this stage, but it'll be wherever the work is. As much as I'd love to dedicate the year to studenty life, my savings only last so long before they need a top-up...

Films and understanding

It's been a pretty filmy weekend for me.

Our little family watched a dubbed German version of Clint Eastwood's award-winning Million Dollar Baby, but nobody's German was good enough to understand much of what happened. We didn't have any subtitles to help us.

I started watching Silence of the Lambs in much the same way, and thought I might have a chance because I'd already seen it. But no.

We also saw the original English version of The Departed, which I enjoyed. Unfortunately, with our mixed-language party, I think I was the only one who really followed it all. DVDs with subtitles are the way to go, I say.

Sachsenhausen

There's a concentration camp, called Sachsenhausen, an hour or two's train ride from Berlin. It was a "forced labour" camp so the stories (and facilities) weren't as horrific those you'd expect from an "extermination" camp like Auschwitz. More inmates died from exhaustion and malnutrition than from systematic killing, but the kinds of abuse that went on are nothing short of evil.

We saw the yard where men were punished with a "pole hanging": hung from a pole by their wrists, so that they not only dislocated their shoulders but had to support their whole body's weight with only ligaments and sinew. This is the same courtyard in which prisoners were ordered to stand at attention for the entire day without pause, often in rain and freezing cold.

The medical unit was used for supremely unethical medical experiments and the pathology staff were only allowed to use one of seven "approved" causes of death for the medical records.

We saw the toilets that men were drowned in, and the unventilated storage room in which groups of men suffocated, but we also saw videos of how the SS (those who ran the camp, and also used it for training) presented themselves to the people in the local town. It seems that the townsfolk were quite happy to have the garrison there, and the SS seemed just like any other military unit; their football team played in the local leagues, their brass band played concerts in the town hall and they even held open days with balloons and sweets for the children.

My Italian friend asked me, as a New Zealand boy, what I learnt in school of WW2 and the Nazis. Despite several of my school friends' extensive knowledge on the topic, I came through with only a passing familiarity.

I'm slowly remedying that.

Friday night party

The student residence has a lot of rules. Some are just plain retarded, like "absolute silence after 10pm". Some are slightly more reasonable, like "clean your dishes immediately after use". We're equal-opportunity, though, so we ignore them all.

Isabel, one of the "old family" here, was leaving Germany behind and returning to Spain. Her flight was Saturday morning, so we needed to celebrate on Friday. All the old family came back and ate a Cuban rice dinner with the new family (thus breaking the "no guests" rule) and then we all hung around playing a famous drinking game for a couple of hours (thus breaking the "no parties" rule, probably).

By the way, did you know that there is a drink called "martini" that is not a martini cocktail? It's apparently spirit by itself, and it tastes great with a slice of lemon. But don't mix it with vodka, red wine, white wine and multivitamin fruit cordial unless you're sure that you won't draw the "horrible cocktail" card when it's your turn.

Later, in the pub, we had our own little scandal; an "old family" Italian getting smoochy with a "new family" Spaniette.

The Italian slept over (on the couch, I might add), thus breaking the "only paying residents may sleep here" rule.

Minor progress

I'm into my second week in Berlin and I think I'm settling in OK. My German is definitely improving: I can usually understand my flatmates when they speak German amongst themselves, although when I talk it's usually pretty simple stuff. I still get completely lost when a real German speaks, though; too many words, way too fast. I think it'll be a while before I understand television.

Berlin is an interesting city with some amazing buildings, old and new. Actually, the contrasts are evident everywhere, especially between the former East and West sides — even though the Berlin Wall fell some 15 years ago. Looking over the city from the roof of the Reichstag was a memorable experience — I'll post pictures if I can.

I still have only limited Internet access, so my e-mail backlog is growing (along with the number of photos I have yet to share).

I wouldn't want to leave you with nothing to read, though, so I might start posting from my secret archives.

Tchüss!

Wilkommen

I'm here, I'm alive, and my German is awful.

I had something of a mission trimming down my possessions to a level that I could take on the plane. Big thanks to Barnes and Kellie — I couldn't have done it without them.

Even so, I'm pretty sure I chose the wrong things to take, the wrong accommodation and probably the wrong direction in life. Oh well.

The people I'm staying with are great. There's an amazing mix of people there, and in fact the course itself is the same. I think that everybody comes from a different country, and nobody is American.

It's pretty cold here!